Push Pause

----- Forwarded Message -----
From: Tenacious Tanasi <tenacious_tanasi@yahoo.com>
To: AT-L <at-l@backcountry.net>
Sent: Monday, December 28, 2009 7:16 PM
Subject: [at-l] OT: Push PAUSE....

Yesterday afternoon as Michael and I walked out across the parking lot of Damon's restaurant after lunch, the Great Smoky Mountains lay spread before us with snow tipped crests.  The wind danced around us with just a bit of a nip to it, but the sun was shining and the sparse clouds were moving languidly across the sky.  Such a beautiful day here.

 

As we got into the truck I asked Michael what he wanted to do for the day.  You see, he's been home for just less than a week for holiday leave, and he had to get on that bus headed back to Camp Shelby today.  When he got home last week, it was so wonderful when he jumped off that bus and swept me up in his arms for that first kiss.  Our time has been growing shorter and shorter, but I wanted to spend every moment with him packing as many memories into every second possible. 

 

He turned from the beautiful vista to me and asked, "Can we just push pause?  Can we just freeze time?"  Instantly I was in tears.  Sweet, sweet tears as this is the happiest holiday season I have ever had in my life. 

 

This year there was no family drama for either of us.  Yes, it was sad that my eldest daughter and I are still having issues and I did not see her for the holidays.  However, it has been the most peaceful time for me in years.  Michael, Hunter, Jerrica, Tori, and I had such a wonderful week together.  Everyone got along, there was no drama, and everyone was in such a jolly, holiday mood.

 

On the way home we decided against the hike we had tossed around while eating lunch and opted instead for a campout.... at home together.  We moved a mattress with a pile of pillows and blankets into the livingroom.  The lights on the Christmas tree were turned on.  And, as we snuggled there for the rest of the day (he watching football and I reading my Sunday paper) we talked about the upcoming year; our dreams from then on; and plans for our future. 

 

Santa had brought me a beautiful mountain bike (purple!) with a kewl helmet, gloves. nifty little head/tail lights, and a cable lock.  Michael told me of trails and places I could take it to ride while he is gone, and we talked of places like the Creeper Trail that we want to do together when he gets home.  We talked of trails we want to hike, places we want to go, and things we want to accomplish individually and together.

 

As we lay there watching the lights begin to show dancing on the wall as the sun was setting outside, he gently kissed me on the forehead and smiled sweetly into my eyes as he told me, "These are the times you just want to push pause, soak up every second and never let them go."

 

This time last year my world had come crashing down around me and I was horribly miserable at Christmas.  I just knew that 2009 was going to be the worst year of my life if I survived it at all.  But, then a prayer was answered and someone came into my life that gave me the best Christmas pressie ever...hope... my smile and that 9-letter word we all seek..... happiness.

 

I really don't want to push pause... I want the story to keep unfolding even though I know that the next few months without him are going to be so very difficult.  I want to see what may play out in the next scene.  I want to continue living life with Michael as he has brought so much joy to me in the short time that we have been together.  I feel so very blessed for him to have come into my life when he did.

 

So, I'm not pushing pause but I am going to soak up ever single second and never let them go.  Bring on the popcorn!!!  :)

 

Tenacious Tanasi