He Thinks He'll Keep Her... but what does SHE say?

Subject	He Thinks He'll Keep Her... but what does SHE say?
DateCreated	6/26/2007 1:00:00 AM
PostedDate	6/26/2007 2:28:00 AM
Body	I was sittin' in a booth at Dot's in Damascus at Trail Days this year when a song came on the juke.  It immediately caught my attention.  A very dear person to me, put it on.  I've heard this song a million times.  And, when things were falling apart in my marriage over the years, this song took on new meaning for me.  Sittin' there in that booth listening as the lyrics streamed out across the room.  It felt as if they were touching me physically...taking me up in comforting, consoling arms...strengthening me to see it through.  You see, my divorce was about to be final 2 days after this, and so it was weighing on me.  As I looked across the table at my 15 year old daughter, I began asking myself that litany of questions we all do when we're going through something like this.... Was I doing the right thing?  Had I made the right choices?  Were they the right sacrifices?  Why couldn't my family understand and support me?  Where do I go from here?  Was it the best thing to step out of my comfort zone and do what I had to do to survive life and be a better person for my girls and myself as well? Looking at the beautiful face of my daughter across the table I recalled that feeling of duty born out of my love for her... I had to give her a daddy.  And, so I had married one... one that I thought would be a good one.  Just a simple man.  One that would help to take care of her and raise her. And, he is a good man...just not the right one for me...not the one that I need to spend the rest of my life with. I made one glaring mistake.  I married him for her.  I did not marry him for me.  I did not marry him for love.  I did not marry someone that would have been compatible with me.  This was so very wrong and unfair to everyone.  Please, do not take this the wrong way.  I am by no means laying this at her door.  This was MY mistake...my error.  I married a man to provide something for her instead of marrying someone for the kind of man that would be good for me.  A partner in life. Had I taken a step back and realized that I had ran to him after an altercation with my daddy and that by doing this it was just the easiest thing to do, then I never would have married him.  You see, he and I are on total opposite ends of the personality spectrum...and, NO...opposites do not always attract and work out. This song is eerily parallel to my married life...down to the timeline... that it really got to me, and I fled from the booth because the tears, fears, and regrets were overwhelming me. The song by Mary Chapin Carpenter He Thinks He'll Keep Her was written as a response to a 1970's Geritol TV commercial.  In this commercial this man accounts his wife's many qualities and then ends with "My wife...I think I'll keep her."  Within the song at first you may think that the lyrics are agreeing with the commercial.  However, I think that as you listen to the entirety of the song, you discover that the emphasis is put on the word "thinks."  I had my religion telling me that you can't divorce him for any reason other than death and adultery.  I had a husband that just didn't get what I had been trying to tell him for years... even after all that time he did not have a clue as to who I really am.  I had my family saying..we don't understand...it's not like he beats you or anything.  And, I had 3 precious daughters that were going to be affected by my decision. And, so I stayed in that every day way of things.  Even though it was making me mentally, emotionally, and physically sick...I stayed.  But then it all came to be too much.  And, I couldn't hide it any longer.  Depression had washed over me and was draggin me down into dark depths that I was afraid one day I would never come back from. This song for me exemplifies what I was going through.  Everything runs right on time, years of practice and design.  God forbid you change your mind. ... Everything is so benign, safest place you'll ever find.  At least until you change your mind. I had to change my life to get life back.  I didn't want to be so miserable that I was making everyone else miserable.  I wanted to be the happy, smiling person I know myself to be.  But to do that...I had to cry first.  And, I still cry sometimes.  However, I am now filled with the resolve to take my life back.  I will no longer stay in a situation that beats me down in so many ways and strips me of who I am. I hope that one day my girls will understand.  I hope that they will see that by being proactive in their lives instead of just falling into the easy way of things that they will live a happier, more fulfilled life...one of their choosing without everyone and everything else dictating to them how they should live. He Thinks He'll Keep Her... but what does SHE say?  She says that she's taking life back.  She says that even though this has been the hardest thing to go through that things will be much better on the other end.  She says that life is worth living...with a smile on your face.  She says that no longer will anyone tell her that just because it isn't the way things are done that she should conform. He Thinks He'll Keep Her Lyrics Artist(Band):Mary Chapin Carpenter (Mary Chapin Carpenter/Don Schlitz) She makes his coffee, she makes his bed She does the laundry, she keeps him fed When she was twenty-one she wore her mother's lace She said "forever" with a smile upon her face She does the car-pool, she PTAs Doctors and dentists, she drives all day When she was twenty-nine she delivered number three And every Christmas card showed a perfect family Everything runs right on time, years of practice and design Spit and polish till it shines. He thinks he'll keep her Everything is so benign, safest place you'll ever find God forbid you change your mind. He thinks he'll keep her She packs his suitcase, she sits and waits With no expression upon her face When she was thirty-six she met him at their door She said I'm sorry, I don't love you anymore Everything runs right on time, years of practice and design Spit and polish till it shines. He thinks he'll keep her Everything is so benign, safest place you'll ever find God forbid you change your mind. He thinks he'll keep her For fifteen years she had a job and not one raise in pay Now she's in the typing pool at minimum wage Everything runs right on time, years of practice and design Spit and polish till it shines. He thinks he'll keep her Everything is so benign, safest place you'll ever find At least until you change your mind. He thinks he'll keep her